“Don’t worry, Ricky. Stop playing that sad song on the concertina. When the governess isn’t looking, I swear most honorably that I’ll let you wear my ruffliest dress again.”

Fish 2.0: Take real fish and mash it up and put it with gelatine and then re-mould it into a pretend fish with an olive eye. Fancy!

Because this heavily-fat marbled hunk of ham simply isn’t nutritious enough without a hefty slathering of cream cheese!

There is nothing that screams “high class” like a bunch of slices of Dutch loaf floating in a glassy mould of gelatine and hard-boiled egg…as long as it’s plated beautifully with the ‘good’ goblets and radish flowers. Haute cuisine!

It was an epic choice. Who, indeed, was the Fanciest Brother? Was it Wilford in the middle, with his rakishly left-tilted bowler? Was it Edgar on the left, with his nonchalant pocket stance? Or was it Clifford, the brother with the trick knee? After much deliberation and nail-biting, no one could make a single decision.

…so does a sedentary lifestyle and processed foods!

His mother and father would not play with him.

No one wanted to play with him.

He wet the bed.

He wet his pants.

There were boogers in his hair.

He talked a lot about uncomfortable things.

There was a reason why his father and mother kept him a home prisoner.

If you grew up with computer labs in the 1980s-early 1990s, you’ll get this. But even if you didn’t, it’s still freaking funny.