“Hmmm,” thought little Derek, as drool started pooling around the corners of his mouth, “I wonder what would go best…a garlic treatment, or white wine sauce. How DOES one prepare roast kitten?”

“Mommy – this kitten is destroying my dress. We must punish it. I choose this one for the sacrifice to our dark lord.”

We always wondered how Great Uncle “Stumpy” got his name, and why he was terrified of crocodile shoes.

At first, Mr. Jenkins was against the idea, for several reasons, but as the months waned he relented. The Missus would never have a boy of her own after that hysteria scare, and – well, it made her happy to dress little Ruffles up as a small child.

He began to question this decision once again when she suggested Ruffles start his education at Eton…not that Ruffles wasn’t up to it, but because he worried the boys might pick on him. Luckily, Ruffles had an asset: sharp fangs and no shame in public defecation.

Why can’t I keep you, Mini-Me, imprisoned in this cage of chicken wire and oilcloth that I hammered together with my cold, bare paws? FOREVER?

(Thanks to Alyssa for the hot tip.)

Most of us considered the Sanderson sisters a little strange, what with Diana’s blurry head and Rebecca’s fondness for cat strangling, and so we just kept walking if they made eye contact. Quickly.

Little Nicky was disappointed, and with good reason. When Aunt Louise asked if he wanted to “ride that ass,” he had an entirely different idea.