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Sad Lot.

The situation turned into the worst mass suicide of yarn dolls in the history of 346 W. Maple Street. The note read, in the scrawl of a child, in green crayon:

We did this to protest our unfortunate lot as wimsikal(sic) dekorations(sic) for a goddamn trash can. We hope your(sic) happy, now you’ll have to use this very vessul(sic) to despose(sic) of the greatest yarn dolls you ever crafted. Goodbye, crule(sic) world!

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Afghan You Spare A Dime?

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, thought Madeline over and over, as she promenaded around, pretending the afghan was a beautiful tulle veil and she was getting married in St. Patrick’s Cathedral. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she weren’t completely whacked out on codeine and in the middle of a Contemporary Crafts board meeting.

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Gone With The Wind.

What you don’t see in this festive “spirit of the antebellum years” scene are the hundreds of needlepoint slave pillows picking the cotton to stuff inside themselves.

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Traversing The World.

Though they were forever overheated in their thickly-knitted clothing, Midge, Barbie and Skipper forged ahead in their world journey by pink DreamBoat. Next stop…Abu Dhabi!

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Fair To Middling.

“Did you have fun at the State Fair, Midge?”
“Yes, Barbie, I had a great time. I went on a date to the fair.”
“Me too! Ken drove me in my pink convertible.”
“I rode on a cartoon horsey.”
“Wow, that sounds fun.”
“It was fun! Want to change our dresses?”
“Yeah!”
“Okay!”
“I like boys.”
“Me too.”

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She’s Criminal.

She came out at night, looking about for the Owner to make sure the coast was clear, and made her way stealthily across the living room. Undetected. She knew where they kept the key to the gun cabinet. Soon, Little Baby Lucinda would be the most notorious doll in history, once she got her revenge against the Teddy Bear Mafia for ripping off the legs of her boyfriend, Little Baby Whizzers.