Posted by celiapleete in fashion, holidaze | Comments

The Lyin’ Witch, And Her Questionable Wardro...

Okay, so like, you’re the Snow Queen, or really, a White Witch, but whatever. And you’re like, living in a land that is always winter but never Christmas, and then this kid comes barrelling into your universe out of nowhere through this freaking closet thing, and you’re all, “hey kid, have some Turkish Delight!” thinking he’ll be like, watching his calories and take one piece? But he keeps eating it ’cause he’s a freaking HOG, and then all this stuff happens and you end up killing this lion that’s kind of like Jesus but furrier and with like, an English accent that’s totally hott but totally creepy because how many lions that freakin’ talk do YOU know!?? Hell-LO? Like none? Except this one?
This is totally what you’re wearing when all of this shit goes down!!!!!

Posted by celiapleete in adverts, holidaze | Comments

Lady Alice’s Lifelike Crocheted Poinsettias

INNER MONOLOGUE OF LADY ALICE:

“Go ahead. WATER THEM. I’d like to see you try. Then I’ll laugh at you because you couldn’t tell they were MADE OF ACRYLIC YARN! What’s WRONG with you? Haven’t you ever seen a poinsettia before? The Christmas flower? Flowers aren’t made of YARN. Everyone knows that. Except you, loser. And I didn’t include the pot because I fu**in’ smoked it. HA HA HA HA! SUCKERS!”

Posted by celiapleete in holidaze, poppets | Comments

A Straight Flush Beats A Full House

ACTUAL DESCRIPTION OF THIS COSTUME:
“Child Toilet costume is a very funny kids Halloween costume. A Child toilet costume is also perfect for every potty mouth kid. Use as a modern day Dunce cap. Young boys love this silly Toilet bowl Halloween costume. One size fits most kids size 7-12.”

This reminds me of something Sybil’s mother would enforce that a future therapist in the adult years will take years to unravel. In Sally Field’s portrayal (airing in a two-part afternoon “event” on TBS, circa 1988), there would be a vignetted flashback of her tyrannical mater shouting at her, “CHIPPY! CHOCOLATE CHIPPY! WEAR THE TOILET, SYBIL! WEAR THE TOILET!” and then it would flash back to Joanne Woodward giving her a hug and telling her it was okay, she was a grownup now, she didn’t need to wear the toilet anymore, and then that weird singing music would start and it would cut to a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed commercial.

Posted by celiapleete in adverts, holidaze, in the closet | Comments

Gifts To Charm A Feminine Heart

Christmas checklist:
Wicker covers (for your unsightly Aqua Net)?
Check.
Note Pads?
Check.
Relaxing bath pillow?
Check.
Gay 90s barber apron?
Double check.