The Mad Vortex » blind date

Blind Date: Norma

celiapleete — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 20:16:44 +0000

Meet Norma. She wants a baby. NOW. She’s feeling her biological clock ticking…ticking…ticking, until she can almost feel her innards drying up. Norma would make a great mom, if she can find the right sucker to “accidentally” knock her up after Grey’s some drunken evening during a fit of end-of-episode passion. She knows how to cook and clean, but prefers to not do a whole messload of housework if she can help it, because she has to make sure her babymaker is in tip-top form. She promises to whimper longingly at any stroller she passes on the street, and give you ga-ga eyes if you’ve got a working member, and you’re supposed to get the hint.

Any takers?

Blind Date: François.

celiapleete — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:27:06 +0000

Meet François. He eez a Frenchman, a lovaire of all zings Continentale. He has an accent ze laydeez, they die for. He eez schooled in ze language of amour. He vill take you places you dreamt of going, in ze boudoir. He keeses ze air, for he loves ze parfum vous are vearing and wants to leek eet off your bodeee. Vous vill not be disappointed in ze prack-teesed arms of FRANÇOIS!

Anticipating The Date.

celiapleete — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:17:42 +0000

Maurice adjusted his collar, trying not to pay too much attention to the beads of sweat forming around his neck. Showtime, Maurice. Make her proud. Make her want you. Make her want to know what’s under that variegated tunic and poly-blend double-knit trousers and Dacron shirt with the onyx cufflinks. If she liked that package, she would love the surprise underneath.

Blind Date: Vaughan.

celiapleete — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:07:00 +0000

Meet Vaughan. He likes the kind of dames who are spearmint cold on the outside, cinnamon hot on the inside. He knows what he wants and what he needs in a woman, and he wants VARIETY. HE WANTS IT SASSY. Vaughan majored in PR in college, and he knows where to lay on the charm most. He knows you like burgers. He knows you like them well-done. HE REMEMBERS. Like volumes of 17th century French poetry? Vaughan’s got it covered and will read it to you in that velveeta-smooth voice he uses when he deejays the disco show at the local radio station. Come on, baby. Vaughan’s here.

Blind Date: Madge.

celiapleete — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:08:00 +0000

Meet Madge. She’s single and ready to MINGLE. Right now she’s putting together the ultimate boutonniere for the lucky beau to take her to tonight’s cotillion. Hope you like roses, fella! Madge spends her time collecting buttons and sewing them onto sweaters. She enjoys a rousing mazurka on 78. She brushes her hair one hundred times a day, and has most of her teeth. Could you be the one?

Blind Date: Regina.

celiapleete — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:56:00 +0000

“Hey. I’m Regina. Do you like Futurama? I’m indubitably obsessed with Futurama. I have all episodes of Futurama on DVD, plus I have watched the commentary 100 times this past month alone and I can identify which season and episode it is just from 5 seconds of sound, sometimes 10. I’m currently waiting to hear back from half the cast because I sent them each copies of 12 fanfics that I wrote about Leela and Fry getting it on because I’m also obsessed with their relationship and it might also be cool to have a threeway with Amy in there, am I right? Wink, wink. I have a tattoo of Bender on my inner left thigh.”

Anxious.

celiapleete — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:22:00 +0000

“Are you ready for tonight? I’ve been waiting for this moment for ages. Do you like the way I arranged my collar? I practiced in the mirror. I do so love a concert. I practiced “The Wreck of the Hesperus” all week…do you think I will be selected to recite? Oh…I’ll wait.”

Blind Date: Blaine.

celiapleete — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:37:00 +0000

Meet, Blaine, the newest Vice-President of Richter and Richter, Inc. Father gave him a brand new BMW convertible company car last month, which he promptly totalled after snorting a line off of his foxy secretary’s bare breasts. He got off scot-free, thanks to some shyster lawyer connections. Blaine’s looking for a wife, because it will be a better image. Hopefully one who is pretty hot and looks the other way when it comes to “affairs of the heart.” You’ll be traded in around age 45, anyway, so if you’re looking to date someone and have a secure financial status…Blaine’s your guy.

Blind Date: Marla.

celiapleete — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Meet Marla. Marla is a killer poker champ and mixer of drinks. Her vodka martini has been known to put grown men on the floor…and she likes them there. Marla is one of those gals who refer to other women as “gals,” and she has a laugh to rival any hyena. In her picture, it’s obvious she wants to get things lively. What really gets Marla’s motor running is a rousing game of Twister®, which she’ll play with anyone as long as they have a pulse. Wanna ride?

Blind Date: Kitty

celiapleete — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:43:00 +0000

Mrrrrowrrrrrrr…..Kitty want some caaaandy. Make her kitty purr, won’t you?