Question. Are the angels behind these kids good or bad angels? And what wrong things do YOU think are happening here?

“Hmmm,” thought little Derek, as drool started pooling around the corners of his mouth, “I wonder what would go best…a garlic treatment, or white wine sauce. How DOES one prepare roast kitten?”

Paregoric.

Alcohol.

Reefer madness.

Laudanum.

Turkish Cigarettes.

“Mommy – this kitten is destroying my dress. We must punish it. I choose this one for the sacrifice to our dark lord.”

Nellie eventually had to admit that sweatshop life wasn’t as glamourous as the warden made it sound. Sure, she was bringing home 20¢ a day to help feed her family of twelve, but with the price of rotten cabbage going up, were the debilitating calluses on her fingers really worth it?

We always wondered how Great Uncle “Stumpy” got his name, and why he was terrified of crocodile shoes.

The Dithers Children (Matt, Debbie, Len and “Buzz”) had great designs on cramming their throats full of Sky Bars and Necco Wafers, only to be disappointed in the razorblade apples that Old Man Witherspoon gave them instead. Luckily, “Buzz” had already started shaving at 6 years old due to a hormonal flux from his chewable vitamins, so the night wasn’t a total loss.

Many was the night that the Henderson family would gather around the fireplace, reading travel maps and tourism brochures that Father stole from the Esso station.

A lovely service was held for Gertie later that week. The weight of her dress had caused her to sink like a stone as the dolls floated nimbly on the top.

Little Nicky was disappointed, and with good reason. When Aunt Louise asked if he wanted to “ride that ass,” he had an entirely different idea.