Freddie…did you remember to bring a young goat and a virgin to class?”

Yes, that is what diabetes looks like. A brown liquid that looks a little bit like too much Coca-Cola.

Hey, the past three thousand posts have been real, y’all. Here’s to three thousand more.

A lovely service was held for Gertie later that week. The weight of her dress had caused her to sink like a stone as the dolls floated nimbly on the top.

Mabel stood at the edge of Rickett’s Pond, rubbing her hands together in despair. Baby Ronald had made it, against all odds. You see, Mabel had been an only child for many years, and only children didn’t have to share toys or Nanny’s attention. She knew the stork had brought him, and she so desperately wanted the stork to take the monster child from whence he came. But Providence prevailed, and the naked infant came forth in triumph.

Next time, to the cabbage patch.

“They’ll never find it here!” smiled Jeffy, lifting the lid of his freshly carved pumpkin. “The po-po will never suspect this innocent jack-o’-lantern as my dime bag stash spot. And what a bitchin’ bong.”

It WAS a fine bong.

A KKK member AND a cowboy, hoping to enter the Eastern Penitentary?

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet your new GOP Tea Party Candidate!

“Adopting you, Lydia, has really been a beacon of light in my life. I’m glad I could put you to good use in that black market child labor factory. Living a life of leisure has always been my dream. Have that afghan finished by 3:00, darling.”

His mother and father would not play with him.

No one wanted to play with him.

He wet the bed.

He wet his pants.

There were boogers in his hair.

He talked a lot about uncomfortable things.

There was a reason why his father and mother kept him a home prisoner.

If you grew up with computer labs in the 1980s-early 1990s, you’ll get this. But even if you didn’t, it’s still freaking funny.