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Avoid The Pad Vortex: Depression Hurts.

Muffin immediately regretted his choice of colour scheme once the renovation was complete.

Those bastards on HGTV had him convinced that burnt orange and brown would be perfect for the den, but he hadn’t anticipated the combination to throw him into a downward spiral of colour-induced depression. After all, weren’t most canines colour-blind? Not Muffin. He was a freak of nature and TERRIBLY UNHAPPY with his den.

By mid-December, poor Muffin was popping Wellbutrin like Skittles – and HGTV wasn’t returning his calls.

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Avoid The Pad Vortex, Part Deux

Baby….all this room needs is a lava lamp, a bead curtain, and a hi-fi spinning the newest release from Johnny Bravo (AKA Greg Brady). HOTT!
(*confidential to my cousin Jen: I dare you to hand in this plan as an assignment for your interior design class.)

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Avoid The Pad Vortex: A Lesson In MOD

If you look closely at the dècor in this room, you will see several interesting things. The first interesting thing is the crazy wallpaper action. The second interesting thing is the bizarre bed. The third interesting thing is the collection of books on the shelf. Closer inspection reveals one of them to be a French dictionary. The fourth, and most interesting thing (aside from the psychedelic poster above the bed) is the FLOUR SIFTER on the bedside table. If you look really closely, it plainly says “FLOUR” on the side. Why is it in this bedroom? Does its owner feel a compelling nocturnal need to bake soft, delicious, yet hip pastries?