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Avoid The Pad Vortex: Carpet Munching
Behold: the 1970 Spiegel catalogue gallery of floor decoration miracles!
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Gallery Of Uncomfortable Upholstery.
The following are all chairs that…
a) You’d hate to sit on in hot weather.
b) You’d hate to sit on in humid weather.
c) You’d have to sit on during uncomfortable visits with your grandparents.
d) Will give you a bad trip if you’re doing shrooms.
e) You can still pick off the side of a road during moving time in a college town, encrusted with various stain marks.
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Noxious Fumes? High Voltage?
It says a lot about a host when you discover their entire apartment’s been deemed a “danger zone.”
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Avoid the Pad Vortex: Bicentenni-Hell
Welcome to the room where all your nightmares come true. There is the doll on the bed. She will try to suffocate you in your sleep. Evil elf doll in corner? He will stab your feet repeatedly as you bleed all over the sad, Bicentennial-themed bedroom coverlet, cold and alone and terrified.
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Avoid The Pad Vortex: Daisy Chain
For the truly adventurous couple with romantic fantasies of making love in a field of daisies, here is the next best thing. Please be advised: heavy drinking could induce nausea.
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Avoid The Pad Vortex: Panel-Changer
They had been kept there for some time; their only outlet to the world through that of the Philco in the corner. They subsisted on a diet entirely of Bugles and Shasta, never seeing the light of day, and only entertaining a passing fancy here and there that Father really might know best. Father. Was there ever such a person? The clock ticked, ticked, ticked away the passing time…time? What did time mean anymore, beyond that which revolved around the Philco and what it brought into the panelled room?