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Sledding Towards Death.

We told Loretta that sledding down the Matterhorn in that rickety old thing that Marty Kelpman made in shop class was a bad f•••ing idea (especially because he only got a C- on it), but the stupid bitch wouldn’t listen. We think the overdose of Adderol had something to do with it.

The memorial service was lovely.

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In A Pinch.

During the photo shoot, Bertram suddenly let out a ringing peal of girlish laughter – as that rascal Mark naughtily found his “sweet spot.”

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Dark Secrets.

The Wilson siblings. Honors students. Scout leaders. Straight-edge Methodist kids. To look at them, you would think they were model American teenagers; wholesome, pure. Their fondness for snowshoeing was their sole eccentricity, at least on the surface. The truth was, Robbie was a coldblooded domestic animal torturer, and Kerry liked to be tied up and bitten. One day, a neglected bear trap near the family mountain cabin gave away their dark secrets, and the village was never the same.

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Plunging Necklines.

Mister Rogers cardigan? Check. Painting of Greta Garbo and a stogie? Check. The chest of a baboon waiting to be combed by that special someone? Double check. Just go to COX MOORE to find out all about the new look for the year.

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World Travellers.

Candace preferred to look innocent, while Annette liked to keep a knitted record of the places where she gave her most memorable…well, let’s just say that the fine citizens of those cities never forgot the zing of Annette’s tongue.

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Back In The Saddle.

“So, babycakes…after we’re done riding the old mare around the horse farm, what say we go back to my pad and I’ll give you a ride on my moustache?”