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Mod Squad

“Well,” said Sadie with a shrug of her shoulders, “I guess it’s true that misery does love company.”

“Especially when it involves cataract surgery,” replied Derek, in his trademark snarl.

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Blind Date: Norma

Meet Norma. She wants a baby. NOW. She’s feeling her biological clock ticking…ticking…ticking, until she can almost feel her innards drying up. Norma would make a great mom, if she can find the right sucker to “accidentally” knock her up after Grey’s some drunken evening during a fit of end-of-episode passion. She knows how to cook and clean, but prefers to not do a whole messload of housework if she can help it, because she has to make sure her babymaker is in tip-top form. She promises to whimper longingly at any stroller she passes on the street, and give you ga-ga eyes if you’ve got a working member, and you’re supposed to get the hint.

Any takers?

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I’m Only Happy When It Rains.

Yolanda and Reggie were young, happy, in love, and setting off bad superstitious vibes left and right.

“Don’t ever open an umbrella indoors,” warned Grandmama once, “It’s BAD LUCK!”

They scoffed at the old wives’ tale, until Grandmama had the last laugh. Both were electrocuted when Reggie accidentally hit a klieg light and they got zapped.

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I Tawt I Taw A Sweater.

Troy’s smug face would soon be obliterated when Elmer Fudd decided to use that musket once and for all.

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Peeping Tom.

“Hot-CHA, now I know what God made binoculars for. Old Hattie McLean in support hose and a bursting girdle. Yes, please. How on EARTH did that wrinkled treasure become an old maid?”

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Pretty In Yarn

Leslie came from the wrong side of the tracks. She lived in a dumpy house with her alcoholic father, who couldn’t keep a job. Mom had left years ago. All Leslie had was her job at the local record store and the unrequited love of Carvey, the eccentric cool cat who lived in the trailer next door – and Reid, the rich boy with the heart of gold. Kids at school teased her for her thrift store clothes, her penchant for Echo and the Bunnymen, and her strange speech impediment. But Leslie showed them all during Prom Night ‘86, when she turned her great-aunt’s ratty, piss-stained afghan into the talk of Redmond High.