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Tumbling Into Love.

The Thornton sisters never thought they could admit it, but they were mighty turned on by the homeless contortionist at their local trolley station.

“Show us what you’ve got,” said Fern, with a twinkle in her eye.

“Oh my,” said Mabel, “You never said you had a third leg.”

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Giraffe Carafe.

We only knew him as “The Giraffe Man,” but he made Paul happy, and that’s what counted most. Paul began to change; blossom; pop out of his chrysalis, most definitely. He started sporting a sweater inspired by his favorite animal, the humble donkey, and The Giraffe Man would egg him on at the track, but Paul was smiling again. He was smiling.

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Sledding Towards Death.

We told Loretta that sledding down the Matterhorn in that rickety old thing that Marty Kelpman made in shop class was a bad f•••ing idea (especially because he only got a C- on it), but the stupid bitch wouldn’t listen. We think the overdose of Adderol had something to do with it.

The memorial service was lovely.

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In A Pinch.

During the photo shoot, Bertram suddenly let out a ringing peal of girlish laughter – as that rascal Mark naughtily found his “sweet spot.”

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Dark Secrets.

The Wilson siblings. Honors students. Scout leaders. Straight-edge Methodist kids. To look at them, you would think they were model American teenagers; wholesome, pure. Their fondness for snowshoeing was their sole eccentricity, at least on the surface. The truth was, Robbie was a coldblooded domestic animal torturer, and Kerry liked to be tied up and bitten. One day, a neglected bear trap near the family mountain cabin gave away their dark secrets, and the village was never the same.

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Plunging Necklines.

Mister Rogers cardigan? Check. Painting of Greta Garbo and a stogie? Check. The chest of a baboon waiting to be combed by that special someone? Double check. Just go to COX MOORE to find out all about the new look for the year.