The Mad Vortex http://www.madvortex.com Get lost in the subculture. Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:22:35 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc en hourly 1 Birthday. http://www.madvortex.com/birthday/ http://www.madvortex.com/birthday/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:22:35 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10471

Yo, happy birthday to Mad Vortex contributor Josh Korwin!

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/birthday/feed/ 1 She Knew All Along. http://www.madvortex.com/she-knew-all-along/ http://www.madvortex.com/she-knew-all-along/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:00:26 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10460

“Children, meet your new baby brother, Kevin.”

“Aww, he’s so cute, Mommy! Can we play with him?”

“Not yet, children. There’s someone else I want for you to meet. He’s very special to Kevin. You might have seen him hanging around after Father left in that fury several months ago. This is Mr. Willoughby, the milkman.”

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/she-knew-all-along/feed/ 0 Secrets and Lies. http://www.madvortex.com/secrets-and-lies-3/ http://www.madvortex.com/secrets-and-lies-3/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:49:30 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10457

Secrets flashed wordlessly between them. The school chastity ball brought forth a night of passion…forbidden by most cultures, yes, but not one without fire and raw lust. Chaperoned by him, seduced in a golf cart afterward. Oh, if only they could repeat that magical night, but all she could say to him was,

“Good morning, Mike…I mean, Mr. Hammond.”

“Good morning, Patti. I trust you did your…homework last night?” He coughed nervously. Mrs. Taylor was in the elevator.

“I did, sir. I did it all night.”

“Good girl.”

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/secrets-and-lies-3/feed/ 0 Howliday Inn. http://www.madvortex.com/howliday-inn/ http://www.madvortex.com/howliday-inn/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:14:55 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10454

Other reasons:

a) find a way to dig out the small children lost in that forest of teased hair

b) understand the logic behind the drawn eyebrows

c) pry the brochure from Darlene’s cold, dead fingers.

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/howliday-inn/feed/ 0 Jars of Blood. http://www.madvortex.com/10450/ http://www.madvortex.com/10450/#comments Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:02:06 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10450

Annette carefully ladled the last of the blood of the slaughtered pig into the last jar. It would be a most bountiful winter indeed.

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/10450/feed/ 0 Recipe: Jellied Boullion With Frankfurters! http://www.madvortex.com/recipe-jellied-boullion-with-frankfurters/ http://www.madvortex.com/recipe-jellied-boullion-with-frankfurters/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:51:11 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10443

Behold the unholy trinity: eggs, gelatine, AND hot dogs! I’m not sure they are correct in the assertion that hot dogs are more “glamourous” in aspic.

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/recipe-jellied-boullion-with-frankfurters/feed/ 0 Oh The Humanity! http://www.madvortex.com/oh-the-humanity/ http://www.madvortex.com/oh-the-humanity/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:19:59 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10438

Sadly, the first solo airplane voyage ever made by a leprechaun (the fearless, legendary Seamus O’Trickie, 1747-1946) ended tragically somewhere off the coast of Hendrick’s Duck Pond, witnessed in horror by best pals Ricky Miller and Charlie Sloane.

Adding to the tragedy: a rainbow graced the sky that afternoon.

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/oh-the-humanity/feed/ 0 Dark Secrets. http://www.madvortex.com/dark-secrets/ http://www.madvortex.com/dark-secrets/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:09:17 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10435
The Wilson siblings. Honors students. Scout leaders. Straight-edge Methodist kids. To look at them, you would think they were model American teenagers; wholesome, pure. Their fondness for snowshoeing was their sole eccentricity, at least on the surface. The truth was, Robbie was a coldblooded domestic animal torturer, and Kerry liked to be tied up and bitten. One day, a neglected bear trap near the family mountain cabin gave away their dark secrets, and the village was never the same.

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/dark-secrets/feed/ 0 If You’re Punky And You Know It Clap Your ‘Hawk. http://www.madvortex.com/if-youre-punky-and-you-know-it-clap-your-hawk/ http://www.madvortex.com/if-youre-punky-and-you-know-it-clap-your-hawk/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:45:49 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10433

]]> http://www.madvortex.com/if-youre-punky-and-you-know-it-clap-your-hawk/feed/ 1 Donkey Kong. http://www.madvortex.com/donkey-kong/ http://www.madvortex.com/donkey-kong/#comments Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:45:38 +0000 celiapleete http://www.madvortex.com/?p=10418

I’m not entirely sure what this album is about, but one can only pray that it involves a lot of donkey braying and songs about diabetes.

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